Improvement

When I walked on the treadmill last night I decided to warm-up longer and more slowly. Usually I just start at 3mph and go. Last night I started at 2mph and slowly worked up to 3mph for 5 minutes. It felt lame. Like, let's get this show on the road. I also skipped the 4mph intervals again. Eureka! No shin splints! I walked 60 minutes pain free!

I ate dinner after, as per usual. Heartburn! I have thought about switching to having a protein shake after for dinner and saving my real dinner for lunch. Still deciding.

I've also made a new rule for myself. No cereal for breakfast. I have to eat a vat to get full. I will save cereal for when I want a sweet snack.

Still haven't started my diet eating plan.

Procrastinator.
Putting off the inevitable.

Yuck

Eating healthy sometimes just doesn't taste good. I'm forcing an apple down because I'm hungry. And because it's good for me.

Hard

I walked on the treadmill five days last week. I walked @ 3 mph for 45 minutes with a one minute intervals at 4 mph every 4 minutes. It was hard. My shins hurt so bad!!! I had to keep stopping because the burning would get so intense.

I skipped Friday and walked Saturday instead. Saturday was the worst of all. It hurt. Is it because I skipped a day in between walks? Today I tried the same routine but couldn't do it. BURNING!!!!!!! I had to drop down to 2.8 mph with no intervals. I still had to stop several times but it did get slightly better by the end. I walked an hour instead of 45 minutes in an attempt to make up the speed difference.

I hate that it's hard. I'm disappointed in myself. I'm disappointed that I let myself get to this state. I'm afraid it will always be hard. I'm tired of struggling. I didn't change my eating last week. I need a lot of work in that department. I still feel WW is my best option, but today I've considered trying it on my own. It will save money and it would be difficult to make meetings due to my schedule and being a single mom. I'm afraid though. I'm afraid of failing again.

O.B. City

I live on the outskirts of O.B. City and it's time to move. I either need to move to a different city or I will end up moving to central O.B. City. I don't want to live smack dab in the middle of O.B. City.

I have two moving companies in mind: Weight Watchers (again) or SparkPeople. There are positives and negatives for both. SparkPeople is free and Weight Watchers costs $39.95 a month. Weight Watchers, in my opinion, has a better accountability factor due to the weekly meetings & weigh-ins. With SparkPeople, it's personal accountability, which I do need to learn. Both have online programs which provide helpful tools and information. What is making me lean towards Weight Watchers is the Flex Points. I like the idea of having extra points (calories) to spend however I want when I want. And the math is done for me. With SparkPeople, I would have to figure that out myself. I'm not sure how to figure that out or if I can. I'll have to research it.

Anyway, I am leaning toward Weight Watchers (yes, again). But feel guilty about spending the money. I will have to ponder and pray to decide. Plus, I feel like an idiot. This is like my 99th attempt. Embarrassing.

I don't know what I currently weigh. My scale needs batteries and I am out at home. I'll buy new ones this weekend and face the reality then.

The Weekend

I had a very busy weekend and tried to make better choices when eating (particularly not over-eating). I didn't do any journaling.

I went to my sister's Friday night for my nieces birthday and had 2 pieces of Costco pizza. They're big. I normally would have had a solid 3, maybe 4. There were cupcakes, but I didn't eat one. I did keep breaking off several pieces off a peanut butter bar. I didn't do any snacking before bed.

Saturday, went to a mexican restaurant for lunch. Didn't each chips from the basket. Had chile verde, only ate one tortilla, didn't eat the rice. Dinner was a small cheeseburger at Bunco with a small side salad, small portion of baked beans, and a handful of potato chips. I had one 55 cal. beer and one cookie. Later that night I went to a friends birthday party. I had one margarita, two 55 cal. beers, and one serving of shredded BBQ pork (no bun). I didn't do any snacking before bed.

Sunday was the children's party for my niece's birthday. The most damage done was I ate half of a small piece of cake and four candy bar bites. Then back to my sisters with some of our friends and had five 55 cal. beers. Yikes! That's a lot for a Sunday. Stopped at Alberto's for dinner on the way home. Ate 2/3 of a bean and cheese burrito with chile verde. I didn't do any snacking before bed.

I'm still feeling discouraged and sometimes a little hopeless. I did much better this weekend than I have the previous two months so there's something to be said about that. I could do better, however. I am still having those "why bother" moments and also moments that I can't believe I got here again.

By the way...I fixed the scale. 242 pounds. Sad :(

I'm Back

I've been trying to get back on plan for the last 3 months. At the end of June, I finally just decided I'd do it after we got back from our Lake Powell trip in July. Well, I came home from Lake Powell to some bad news. I was mentally preoccupied with that for a couple of weeks and then, to be perfectly honest, just made excuses. I saw pictures of myself at Lake Powell. YUCK!!! I knew I had to do something.

I was going to start on Monday for 4 straight weeks. Then I would start and not even make it through one day. Mentally, I just wasn't there. This was another one of those weeks that I was supposed to start last Monday. I didn't do it and it is now Friday.

Last night I decided I wasn't waiting until Monday, I was starting the next day no matter what. No matter that the weekend was just beginning. No matter that there would be treats at Bunco. No matter that my niece's birthday is this weekend and there will be cake and ice cream. NO MATTER WHAT! Well, I did start today, no excuses. So far so good, and mentally I'm in a different place. I can feel it.

I cleaned out my junk drawer and found a poem my sister used to read all the time when she lost 65 pounds on WW. It's titled Don't Quit:

When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down
And you feel like the biggest failure in town;
When you want to give up just because you gave in
And forget all about being healthy and thin;
So what! You went over your points a bit
It's your next move that counts so don't you quit!

It's a moment of truth. It's an attitude of change;
It's learning the skills to get with your plan.
It's telling yourself, "You've done great up 'til now;
You can take this challenge and beat it somehow."
It's part of your journey toward reaching your goal;
You're still gonna make it, just stay in control.

But, often the strugglers when losing their grip
Just throw in the towel and continue to slip
And learn too late when the damage was done
That the race wasn't over and they still could have won.

Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow
But facing each challenge will help you to grow;
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint in the cloud of self-doubt
When you're at the brink, just refuse to submit
If you bite it, write it...

BUT DON'T EVER QUIT!

I'm going to post that poem everywhere so it is always in sight.

My treadmill is not working properly at the moment and the service person won't be here until next Friday. I don't want to sit around and do nothing so I decided to work out to a DVD today. I did the Biggest Loser 30 Day Jump Start. It probably goes without saying that it is for beginners. It has four 10 minute workouts. 10 minutes of cardio, 10 minutes of upper body toning, 10 minutes of lower body toning and 10 minutes of ab work. I did the cardio, upper body and abs for a total of 30 minutes. IT KICKED MY BUTT!!! I was huffing and puffing. My lungs were burning. Everything jiggled. I was so tired I wanted to quit. And that was before the first 10 minutes was up. I did it though, as hard as it was. Now I'm shaking and nauseated. I am so disgusted that I am this out of shape. I could barely do 10 minutes! The treadmill must not be a very good workout because I can walk 4 mph on that thing for an hour.

I'm trying not to get discouraged. I want to keep going. I need to be mindful of my health and, of course, I want to look and feel better.

I tried to weigh myself, but somehow my son pushed buttons and it is set to kilograms instead of pounds, so I don't know how much I've gained. I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I know I can use an online calculator to figure it out, but I'd rather stay in denial about it.

I Didn't Eat the Doughnut

...but I did take a bite. At a cost of 1.5 points. I then threw it away and emptied the coffee grounds from the breakroom on top of it. Not that I would have taken it out of the garbage and eaten it. Really, I'm not that desperate for fried chocolate dough. That's just what I had to do to get it's delicious thoughts out of my mind. Coffee grounds made it not so delicious.

I walked last night. The first time in two weeks. I went to meeting today. The first in two weeks. No it's not an intentional pattern. The week before last I had a birthday luncheon for a co-worker and last week I was sick. The verdict?

DOWN 4.4 POUNDS!!!

Total lost this round 16.8. Grand total lost from highest weight = 45 ell bees!!!

I am going on a trip to Lake Powell with my sister and some friends July 13th. Do you think it's possible to lose 20 #'s by then? Probably too lofty a goal. A goal of 14 #'s would come out at 2 #'s a week. Still, probably not realistic.