The Weekend

I had a very busy weekend and tried to make better choices when eating (particularly not over-eating). I didn't do any journaling.

I went to my sister's Friday night for my nieces birthday and had 2 pieces of Costco pizza. They're big. I normally would have had a solid 3, maybe 4. There were cupcakes, but I didn't eat one. I did keep breaking off several pieces off a peanut butter bar. I didn't do any snacking before bed.

Saturday, went to a mexican restaurant for lunch. Didn't each chips from the basket. Had chile verde, only ate one tortilla, didn't eat the rice. Dinner was a small cheeseburger at Bunco with a small side salad, small portion of baked beans, and a handful of potato chips. I had one 55 cal. beer and one cookie. Later that night I went to a friends birthday party. I had one margarita, two 55 cal. beers, and one serving of shredded BBQ pork (no bun). I didn't do any snacking before bed.

Sunday was the children's party for my niece's birthday. The most damage done was I ate half of a small piece of cake and four candy bar bites. Then back to my sisters with some of our friends and had five 55 cal. beers. Yikes! That's a lot for a Sunday. Stopped at Alberto's for dinner on the way home. Ate 2/3 of a bean and cheese burrito with chile verde. I didn't do any snacking before bed.

I'm still feeling discouraged and sometimes a little hopeless. I did much better this weekend than I have the previous two months so there's something to be said about that. I could do better, however. I am still having those "why bother" moments and also moments that I can't believe I got here again.

By the way...I fixed the scale. 242 pounds. Sad :(

I'm Back

I've been trying to get back on plan for the last 3 months. At the end of June, I finally just decided I'd do it after we got back from our Lake Powell trip in July. Well, I came home from Lake Powell to some bad news. I was mentally preoccupied with that for a couple of weeks and then, to be perfectly honest, just made excuses. I saw pictures of myself at Lake Powell. YUCK!!! I knew I had to do something.

I was going to start on Monday for 4 straight weeks. Then I would start and not even make it through one day. Mentally, I just wasn't there. This was another one of those weeks that I was supposed to start last Monday. I didn't do it and it is now Friday.

Last night I decided I wasn't waiting until Monday, I was starting the next day no matter what. No matter that the weekend was just beginning. No matter that there would be treats at Bunco. No matter that my niece's birthday is this weekend and there will be cake and ice cream. NO MATTER WHAT! Well, I did start today, no excuses. So far so good, and mentally I'm in a different place. I can feel it.

I cleaned out my junk drawer and found a poem my sister used to read all the time when she lost 65 pounds on WW. It's titled Don't Quit:

When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down
And you feel like the biggest failure in town;
When you want to give up just because you gave in
And forget all about being healthy and thin;
So what! You went over your points a bit
It's your next move that counts so don't you quit!

It's a moment of truth. It's an attitude of change;
It's learning the skills to get with your plan.
It's telling yourself, "You've done great up 'til now;
You can take this challenge and beat it somehow."
It's part of your journey toward reaching your goal;
You're still gonna make it, just stay in control.

But, often the strugglers when losing their grip
Just throw in the towel and continue to slip
And learn too late when the damage was done
That the race wasn't over and they still could have won.

Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow
But facing each challenge will help you to grow;
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint in the cloud of self-doubt
When you're at the brink, just refuse to submit
If you bite it, write it...

BUT DON'T EVER QUIT!

I'm going to post that poem everywhere so it is always in sight.

My treadmill is not working properly at the moment and the service person won't be here until next Friday. I don't want to sit around and do nothing so I decided to work out to a DVD today. I did the Biggest Loser 30 Day Jump Start. It probably goes without saying that it is for beginners. It has four 10 minute workouts. 10 minutes of cardio, 10 minutes of upper body toning, 10 minutes of lower body toning and 10 minutes of ab work. I did the cardio, upper body and abs for a total of 30 minutes. IT KICKED MY BUTT!!! I was huffing and puffing. My lungs were burning. Everything jiggled. I was so tired I wanted to quit. And that was before the first 10 minutes was up. I did it though, as hard as it was. Now I'm shaking and nauseated. I am so disgusted that I am this out of shape. I could barely do 10 minutes! The treadmill must not be a very good workout because I can walk 4 mph on that thing for an hour.

I'm trying not to get discouraged. I want to keep going. I need to be mindful of my health and, of course, I want to look and feel better.

I tried to weigh myself, but somehow my son pushed buttons and it is set to kilograms instead of pounds, so I don't know how much I've gained. I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I know I can use an online calculator to figure it out, but I'd rather stay in denial about it.

I Didn't Eat the Doughnut

...but I did take a bite. At a cost of 1.5 points. I then threw it away and emptied the coffee grounds from the breakroom on top of it. Not that I would have taken it out of the garbage and eaten it. Really, I'm not that desperate for fried chocolate dough. That's just what I had to do to get it's delicious thoughts out of my mind. Coffee grounds made it not so delicious.

I walked last night. The first time in two weeks. I went to meeting today. The first in two weeks. No it's not an intentional pattern. The week before last I had a birthday luncheon for a co-worker and last week I was sick. The verdict?

DOWN 4.4 POUNDS!!!

Total lost this round 16.8. Grand total lost from highest weight = 45 ell bees!!!

I am going on a trip to Lake Powell with my sister and some friends July 13th. Do you think it's possible to lose 20 #'s by then? Probably too lofty a goal. A goal of 14 #'s would come out at 2 #'s a week. Still, probably not realistic.

Back Away from the Doughnut

Someone just brought doughnuts around. My favorite, Dunford Bakery chocolate cake doughnut with chocolate icing. 500 calories, 22 grams a fat and 2 grams of fiber = 11 points. BACK AWAY FROM THE DOUGHNUT!!! I have taken one bite. I've been sitting here smelling it for 10 minutes now, talking myself in and out of eating it. I'm going to Lake Powell in July. BACK AWAY FROM THE DOUGHNUT!!! But I know it's going to taste so good. And I know I'm going to feel so bad after I eat it. SOMEONE HELP ME BACK AWAY FROM THE DOUGHNUT!!!

No "Weigh"

I didn't get to weigh-in last week due to a friend's birthday luncheon. I didn't get to weigh-in yesterday because I didn't feel well. The stomach flu is going around and I'm afraid it's currently invading my body, waiting to spring on me in the middle of the night. I could try and sneak out early and weigh-in tonight at another meeting, but I haven't decided yet.

I did make it through this past weekend without using all 35 flexies!

What is my problem?!

Weekends come and I seem to go overboard EVERY TIME! This weekend I had a yard sale (I swear, the absolute last one I'll ever have!) and worked my butt off. I felt like I didn't have time to eat. But I did. Once again I used all my flexies, and all of my exercise points, and still went over a few points. What is my problem?

Grateful

Points consumed Saturday - 63 (damn G.N.O.)

Points consumed Sunday - 40 [damn Costco hot dog, damn cupcake, damn turkey sandwich and Sun Chips at 11pm (I was so hungry)]

Weight lost this week - 0.2. This week I can truly say I'm glad it wasn't a gain.

What is wrong with me? Obviously I'm eating too much. Either I don't get it or I'm in denial.

1.2 Club

I added up all of my points for the weekend. Not good, folks. Not good. I used all of my 35 flexies and all of my 16 activity points (points earned by exercising) and still went over 5 points for the week. Can you say, "Reality check?"

I wasn't able to weigh in yesterday and attend my usual meeting. I stopped in today just to weigh in. I lost another 1.2 ell bees. That is the 3rd week in a row that I've had the identical loss of 1.2 #'s. I'm a little relieved considering the weekend I had. However, I will be frustrated if the losses continued to be this small. Yeah, yeah, yeah...at least it's better than a gain. I know it. I just don't want to hear it. I'll take it this week though.

I am now down 12.2 total pounds this time around. I've lost 40 total since the first time I joined in 2007. This week I also hit my 5% weight loss goal. Apparently I will get some sort of recognition for it in next week's meeting. Maybe a sticker for my bookmark???

On a sad note, I must say good-bye to 28...
...points. I am now in the 220's and drop down to 27 points a day. What will I eliminate? I think this week I will choose to reduce the type/amount of coffee creamer I use. Maybe no fat-free croutons on my salad? It's a little concerning to think about even lower points in the future. Yikes! I won't think about that now. I'll think about that tomorrow. (Know the movie anyone?)

Here's to week 7.

Missed Meeting

I didn't get to weigh-in today because I had to take my son to the doctor. I really wanted to get it over with due to the bad weekend. I still haven't finished adding the points online yet. I guess it's kind of too late now? I'm going to anyway because I want to know what the damage was. I plan to go to a meeting tomorrow instead.

What A Weekend

I had an overnight scrapbooking retreat this past weekend. There were treats, treats, treats, and more treats. Pizza and salad Saturday night. I brought my own dressing and told myself I would only have 2 pieces of pizza. I had 3. Then between midnight and 3:30am ate a few handfuls of tortilla chips, a handful of almonds, and several bite size Snickers.

The next morning there was a breakfast buffet at the hotel. I had one plate: hashbrowns, cheesey eggs, and bacon; a bowl of pineapple; 2 cups of coffee with half and half; and 3 bites of a cinnamon roll (it wasn't very good so I didn't finish it). Somewhere in between that and lunch I ate a peanut butter Fiber One bar. Then I ate some more almonds. For lunch it was bagel sandwiches (at least the bagels were whole wheat and there was light mayo) with Sun Chips. A couple hours after that they brought around a plate of homemade cookies. When asked if we would like a cookie, my sister said, yes, it's not like I haven't had enough junk today. My sentiments exactly. How could anyone say no to a homemade Oreo??? Sometime between the cookie and leaving at 6:00pm, I had several more bite size snickers and another handful of almonds. I was so dehydrated and full of gas-o-line when I got home. I felt awful and bloated. I'm sure the 4 hours of sleep didn't help. I had a big salad for dinner and drink of water, and was asleep by 9:30pm.

I stopped even bothering to try to keep track of my points. I was going to be so "good." The mayhem continued on Sunday. I got so starving running errands that I got a grilled cheese kids meal from Sonic, then ate a PayDay bar. At least it wasn't a super sized adult meal with a bacon double cheeseburger or something ridiculous like that. Then ate a big ol' steak at my parents' for dinner. Plus I had a piece of eclair pie, which was probably 4 points, so not too bad, but I shouldn't have had considering the rest of the weekend.

I'm DREADING the scale this Wednesday. DREADING it!

Weigh-In #6

I only lost 1.2 #'s this week, which was the exact same as last week. I feel like I'm working so hard to have such small losses. I am fast-walking on the treadmill for an hour 5 times a week. I am using up all of my flex points (which is part of the plan), but not my exercise points. I'm staying on plan! Why so s-l-o-w? Is it because I'm old(er)? What the hel-icopter? I was really hoping for 2 #'s a week.

On a positive note, I haven't had any cravings. Maybe I won't (ha-ha). I have consistently worked out on the treadmill every weeknight since we bought it and dare I say it's gotten easier? Is it possible to have physical improvement in that short of time (4 weeks)?

I am down 11 total pounds in 5 weeks.

Day 1 of Week 5

I'm sitting here watching my son eat a scoop of Rocky Road ice cream. And I scooped it for him. Is it weird that I don't want any? I'm sure that won't last. For those who don't know how the Weight Watcher (which from here on out will be referred to as WW, because I am too lazy to type that out EVERY time) program works, you count points instead of calories. All food is converted to points via a magic equation of calories, fat and fiber. In general, one point is approximately 50 calories. The higher the fiber, the lower the points (opposite for foods higher in fat). In addition, you get 35 bonus points, called Flex Points, each week to spend however you want. You can eat a little extra everyday, or save them for weekends, holidays or any kind of splurge. Points eaten today: 29 Flex points for the week used: 1 My son has now abandoned his dish of ice cream. There's a good 2 spoonfuls left. How would it be to have ice cream mean so little to me? I'm going to rinse it out rather than polish off the last lick or two. It's time for me to put him to bed and get on the treadmill.

Losing Weight Sux

Here I am again. Back on Weight Watchers. This is the 5th (maybe 6th) time I've joined in 11 years. Eek! I've just about tried it all: Weight Watchers, Atkins, HCG, LA Weight Loss, and various pills and potions. I've spent thousands of dollars that I wish I could get back. A positive note is that I usually have success when I try to lose weight. A negative note is that I always give up at around the 3 month mark. Why? Boredom? Subconscious self-sabotage? Lazy? Unmotivated? Just plain like food? I'm not exactly sure why. I hope to figure it out this time. This time, sigh. This better be The Time. The final time. Not only am I single again, but now I am a mother who's pushing 40. FORTY! I don't want to be fat and 40. I swore I wouldn't be fat and 30. I was. For just about all of my 30's. I am now 38. I started gaining significantly when I was 25. At 26 I was pretty much fat with no (permanent) improvement since. My knees are starting to get weak. That is a motivator to get into better shape. I have a list of motivational reasons to lose the weight once and for all: my health, my son, my self-esteem, to feel better, to move better, to look better, to shove it in my soon-to-be ex-mother-in-law's face. I want to lose the weight before my son is old enough to know that I'm fat. Before other kids are old enough to ask him, "Why is your mom fat?" Some might think fat is a harsh word to use. I could use the word chubby, but why sugar coat it? I have a friend who was recently selected to be on a televised, 60 day, local weight loss program. I figure if she can put her weight on the news, for all of the state to see, and if everyone who's been on The Biggest Loser can put their weight on TV for all of the world to see, then I can post my weight on this blog. Hopefully doing so will increase my accountability. It won't just be between me and Weight Watchers anymore. It will be out there. So here goes. My all-time highest weight, when I re-started Weight Watchers when my son was 7 months old (May 2007), was 269 pounds. I gained 33-35 pounds during my pregnancy, which I thought was pretty good. The not so good part was that I was already overweight when I got pregnant, and hardly none of it came off after I delivered. Today was my 4th week on Weight Watchers this time around. I joined March 17, 2010, weighing 241.4. Today's weight is 231.6. So, there it is, in all of it's chubby, dimpled glory.